The Psychotic Dream

The following was an entry in my dream journal just prior to my second major psychosis experience. Interestingly, the book I am currently reading - 'Fugitive Minds' by Antonio Melechi - states that ancient Greeks thought that dreams were nocturnal insanity.

April 25th, 2002
Don't know where to start with this one, it was all over the place. But essentially, I was living in some rooms of a large building that had used to be an old school boarding house and there were lots of people coming and going, both familiar and unfamiliar. Part of me felt happy, but another felt scattered and not sure how to deal with all the people. The rooms were divided oddly in terms of where people lived and where I lived and I couldn't establish which rooms were mine and even when I did, it would change so that others came and took over the space. At times I had more rooms and at other times I seemed to have less. But all the while people were coming and going through my space. The house itself was huge - a mansion or building with many rooms and levels.

At one stage a young male plumber came in and said he had some work to do but I put my elbow to his chest and wouldn't let him come in - I kept telling him I hadn't asked for anything to be done. I was quite bothered and offended that he was trying to come in without being asked.

At another point I was sitting outside on a concrete sort of step that ran around the perimeter of a circular space where lots of people were milling around. There were some guys standing up near me and I think I knew them. A homeless man sitting next to me turned around and said something I couldn't understand. He had beard growth over most of his face and vivid glowing blue eyes, blue covering his eyeballs, with no whites and he was grinning strangely. One of the guys responded to him for me and his attention was then directed away which was a relief. The started talking about some decision that John Howard [Australia's prime minister for those who don't know] had made in relation to Australia's indigenous population.

In another part of the dream I was walking along with some people unfamiliar to me, but still familiar somehow. The girl to my left kept turning around and telling me to "stop it". I didn't know what she was talking about as I wasn't aware of having done anything to her. But then I realised that some part of me had been reaching out and touching her without my being aware of it at all. I got very freaked out by this and was afraid that I couldn't control myself. I then felt a touch of something or someone at my back and turned to find nothing or no-one there, followed by another touch at my side. I was even more freaked out at this point as I thought I was going completely mad, and then I saw my shadow on the ground in front of me which distracted me.

Some words of analysis: As stated above, this dream occurred just prior to my second major experience of psychosis and I think there are some definite indications, looking back, that suggested this was imminent. Of greatest significance to me is the parts of the dream in the mansion wherein I was having difficulty finding my own space as defined by the walls of the rooms and where other people were. It is said that people in the midst of psychosis experience a loss of boundaries that so-called 'normal' people have no difficulty with.